If I had a few simple words to describe my mother it would be the following: fake, manipulative, hateful, judgmental, critical and secretive. But it’s possible to survive and rise above her behavior. Best to you! But where is the empathy required for good relationships? Your mom did the best she could; she loved you as she was able. They never listened to (or cared) about your feelings, You felt that you could never share your feelings with your parent/s because they would either make fun of you or talk about themselves instead. Why couldn't I just do what mom says? Don’t try to figure out why. you sound just like me..and your mother says the same phrases "I'm sorry I loved you so much" and the classic "I'm sorry if that's how u feel" aka deflecting. He then lashes out at me accusing me of hating my mother, disrespecting her and creating family wars, which is categorically untrue. They only get worse and worse. They project those feelings on to others and are not capable of empathy. Coran: It is really nice of you to be so concerned about your mom, and I can tell she has leaned on you for a long time, which has apparently made her very dependent on you!! Narcissistic personality disorder is a personality disorder characterized by a need for praise and recognition and an overinflated sense of self-worth and importance. In that case, the child would find not himself in his mother's face, but rather the mother's own projections. What you are saying is so true. Hugs* you are saving lives by telling your story! ITS OK. Gladly she comes back whenever invited and it puts us in control. In other words, one child was seen as perfect and capable of doing no harm. If in doubt, get a consultation with a quality therapist. I know the abused my mother went thru. Sorry if your narrow sphincter won't allow you to see that accepting victimhood and understanding it's cause are not mutually exclusive. They have all discarded me because I can't provide anything useful to them. On the other hand, narcissistic mothers can produce daughters who become perpetual pleasers. How to Recognize Dark Triad Personality Traits, Navigating Narcissism: The What, Why, and How, Unloved Daughters: Confronting the Slow Path to Healing, Why Your Abusive Narcissistic Mate Claims to Be the Victim, What Goes on Beneath the Surface When Narcissists Get Angry, Psychology Today © 2021 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Scientists Can Communicate With Lucid Dreamers While They Sleep, Your Mental Health May Affect Your Vaccine Response, The Complex Reasons Why Some Refuse to Wear a Mask, COVID-19’s Impact on Mental Health Hasn't Been All Bad, Find a therapist who understands narcissism, not all children are permitted to grow up and be themselves, psychologically constructed to garner attention, be it from charisma, beauty, smarts or finances, Best strategy for coping with a narcissistic personality disord, 7 Myths About Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Perhaps she should apply for disability as well. Your own self disappears. I am still abused by all of them on some level, some say you attract what you are which doesn’t help, I just realized I’m co-dependent. can't do more for her. I want to leave a healthy lifestyle I don't want my child to go through this its a sad and traumatic situation. But I was actually pretty shocked that she would say that in the first place. A 4yr old! It’s your job to recognize what happened, get your anxiety or depression treated and find a deeper appreciation of yourself and others. I got that last call you sent over..wow. My bipolar is fine. She knows how to put on such a show in public so no one would ever think differently, but behind closed doors, she's a monster. She played power games with my kids, left my little one overnight and told mum she didn't like mushrooms, she got force fed mushroom soup that night,,, my little girl probably didn't think too much of me for leaving her there. She was usually very careful to only beat parts of our bodies that could be covered by clothes, but once she lost it and bloodied my lip in front of friends. This (according to her, so take it with a grain of salt) prompted a call from a parent. 'Professionals" used to think the earth was flat and ppl were burned at the stake. This will help you become more self-aware. Best to you! It could be a mansion but still not big enough for my narcissistic mother and myself. I heard the strength in your voice! But of course, sainted mommie dearest smoothed things over with this parent, convinced me that both she and the concerned parent decided I deserved the abuse and humiliation, and nothing came of it. I am happy in knowing that I use logic and she asserts power when making decisions. My masters was on this topic, visit my facebook page Matriarchal Terrorism for more info! Just remember—you were always good enough for her. I've been no contact for 4yrs and my mother still abuses me by proxy and is always on a smear campaign! They liked to present a perfect family image to outsiders, How to Confirm That You’re the Child of a Narcissistic Mother / Father, Inability to express or handle emotions (resulting in, Stop hoping that your narcissistic parent will change —. I doubt she's a narcissist--just very desperate and suffering from severe depression. I no longer see her as my mum with motherly expectations but more as a person like a friend or an acquaintance who we don't really expect anything from, just share formal conversations with and keep them on the periphery of our lives. It was like my fingers were the ones that had typed your entry, exactly the dynamic with my older siblings too.